In 1979 beef was by far the most popular of these foods, with about 225 grams consumed per person per week. Lamb and chicken were eaten in similar quantities (around 150 grams), while much less fish was consumed (just over 50 grams).
However, during this 25-year period the consumption of beef and lamb fell dramatically to approximately 100 grams and 55 grams respectively. The consumption of fish also declined, but much less significantly to just below 50 grams, so although it remained the least popular food, consumption levels were the most stable.
The consumption of chicken, on the other hand, showed an upward trend, overtaking that of lamb in 1980 and that of beef in 19. By 2004 it had soared to almost 250 grams per person per week.
Overall, the graph shows how the consumption of chicken increased dramatically while the popularity of these other foods decreased over the period.
图表分析
这是一道典型的线图,而且趋势也很简单,让我们自信心爆棚的开始吧。再声明一下,第一步确定X轴和Y轴以及第二步分析图形,两者均是采用标准的图形分析法,对所有图表均是一致的(流程图和地图除外),而第三步框架需要结合图形本身的特征来确定。
第一步:确定X轴和Y轴
线图
X1 有序变量 年代 1979-2004
X2 无序变量 食品种类 鸡肉、牛排、羊肉、鱼肉
Y 绝对变量 人均消耗质量
第二步:分析图形
按X2轴分析
当X2为beef时
² 起始点为225,终点为100,降幅为125
当X2为lamb时
² 起始点为150,终点为55,降幅为95
当X2为chicken时
² 起始点为150,终点为250,涨幅为100
当X2为fish时
² 起始点为55,终点为50,降幅为5
按X1轴分析
当X1为起点时
² 欢迎度排名 beef, lamb chicken, fish
当X1为终点时
² 欢迎度排名 chicken, beef, lamb, fish
第三步:确定框架
从图形的特征来看,趋势很明显,chicken成上升趋势,而其他均称下降趋势,并且其中的beef, lamb两者变化的线条基本上是平行的,那么由此确定可以分为chicken一段, beef, lamb一段, fish一段。范文作者将起点情况还作为单独的一段。
精细分析
题目
The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.
开头段
The graph illustrates changes in the amounts of beef, lamb, chicken and fish consumed in a particular European country between 1979 and 2004.
² 经典的题目改写,上次谈到的是将题目的名词词组改写成从句,而这句就不同了,改写后仍旧是名词词组,让我们来一起看看,本段添加了change in the amount of, 任何信息均谈的是“变化情况”,consumption of sth 改写成sth consumed, consumption [u], consumed为过去分词作后置定语
主体一段
In 1979 beef was by far the most popular of these foods, with about 225 grams consumed per person per week.
² 本段都是说明起点的情况,先说牛排的情况,说明了两点,消耗量和受欢迎的程度。
² by far [adv] 与形容词或副词的比较级和最高级连用,表示强调程度的差异,注意by far有个独特之处是,既可以放在形容词或副词比较级或最高级的前面,也可以放在它们的后面,如 It is by far the best film that I have seen for a long time.
It is the best film by far that I have seen for a long time.
² with介词短语表示补充
Lamb and chicken were eaten in similar quantities (around 150 grams), while much less fish was consumed (just over 50 grams).
² 用while表示对比,把lamb, chicken和fish的情况均作了说明,而且一个much less说明了fish的不受欢迎
主体二段
However, during this 25-year period the consumption of beef and lamb fell dramatically to approximately 100 grams and 55 grams respectively.
² 说明了beef, lamb的下降趋势,由于beef和lamb的下降趋势类似,因此放在一起讲
The consumption of fish also declined, but much less significantly to just below 50 grams, so although it remained the least popular food, consumption levels were the most stable.
² fish情形说明了三个特征:下降(decline),欢迎度最低(the least popular food),消费量很稳定(Consumption levels ere the most stable)
² 表示下降的趋势 fall to+数字,decline to + 数字
² fall dramatically to 用dramatically修饰
² decline, but much less significantly to 用but much less significantly修饰
主体三段
The consumption of chicken, on the other hand, showed an upward trend, overtaking that of lamb in 1980 and that of beef in 19.
² 说明chicken的上涨趋势,表达为show an upward trend
² overtake 表明了两个交叉点,如果是“被超越”,这句就可以改成being overtaken by
By 2004 it had soared to almost 250 grams per person per week.
² 说明了chicken的终点,注意这里运用了had soared to过去完成时态,不是表示过去的过去,而是表示过去的完成状态
结尾段
Overall, the graph shows how the consumption of chicken increased dramatically while the popularity of these other foods decreased over the period.
² 典型的一句话总结,chicken, increased 而 other foods, decreased
词汇句型积累
这时一篇经典的线图范文,无论从图形和范文结构都很有代表性,写法上采用总分总的写作框架,大家需要好好体会
表示增长下降的表达, 还需注意修饰这些变化的词
² 下降 fall dramatically to; decline, but much less significantly to, decrease
² 增长 show an upward trend, soar to, increase dramatically;
² 超越 overtake
注意修饰数字的词
² about 225 grams, approximately 100 grams, almost 250 grams
² just over 50 grams , just below grams
本文的主题就是消耗,和B6T1一样,也存在消耗的多样表达
² 225 grams consumed, consumed过去分词作后置定语
² lamb and chicken were eaten, eat的被动式作谓语
² fish was consumed, consume的被动式作谓语
² the consumption of beef and lamb, consumption名词
Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
《剑桥雅思七》原书写作例文如下:
Fixing punishments for each type of crime has been a debatable issue. There are many arguments supporting both views, those for and those against fixed punishments.
On the one hand, fixed punishments will have a deterring effect on society. Individuals knowing that they will be subject to a certain punishment if they are convicted with a given crime, will reconsider committing this act in the first place.
This deterring effect also leads to social stability and security, through minimising the number of crimes committed.
If people knew they would be able to convince the court or the jury of a reason for having committed the crime they are accused of, penal decisions would be largely arbitrary. This would result into criminals getting away with their crimes and into a high level of injustice caused by the subjective approach of different courts.
On the other hand, taking the circumstances of a crime and its motivation into consideration is a prerequisite for establishing and ensuring justice and equity.
A person killing in self-defense can not be compared to a serial killer, moving from one victim to the next. In my opinion an intermediary position between both solutions is the perfect way to establish and ensure justice and equity.
There has to be fixed punishment for all crimes. However, criminal laws have to provide for a minimum and maximum for the punishment and the laws also have to foresee certain cases of exemptions.
An example for setting minimum and maximum penalties is competition law where a person being held liable of a crime under this law will be convicted to pay a fine, according to the harm caused by the violation and the profit gained by the violator through committing the crime.
As for the exemptions, in some countries the law exempts thiefs stealing food during a period of famine taking into consideration the distress and hunger.
Also, a person killing in self-defense will be exempted from punishment.
《剑桥雅思七》一书提供的雅思考官对该文的点评:
该文论证清晰、观点明确、用词和句型丰富多样,除个别地方外,基本准确.但该文的段落分配不够合理,有的段落连接显得混乱.此外,没有明确的结论也是该文的一个不足.
以下是经我改正过的范文:
To date, imposing a fixed punishment for each type of crime has been a debatable issue. There are many arguments for and against the execution of penalty.
On one hand, fixed punishments will have a deterring effect on potential criminals. Individuals will think twice before committing an offence if they know that they will be subjected to a certain punishment if convicted of a given crime. In addition, this deterring effect also helps to enhance social stability and security through minimising the number of crimes committed. On the other hand, if people knew they would be able to convince the court or the jury of a reason for having committed the crime they are accused of, penal decisions would be largely arbitrary. This would result in criminals getting away with their crime and a high level of injustice could be caused by the subjective approach of different courts.
There have to be fixed punishments for all crimes. However, criminal laws have to provide a minimum and maximum for the punishment and the laws should also foresee certain cases of exemptions. One example for setting minimum and maximum penalties is the competition law under which a person held liable for a crime will be convicted to pay a fine according to the harm caused by the violation and the profit gained by the violator through committing the crime. As for exemptions, in some countries thieves stealing food during a period of famine are exempted from punishments.
Therefore, in my opinion, taking the circumstances of a crime and its motivation into consideration is a prerequisite for the measurement of punishment. A person killing in self-defense can not be compared to a serial killer who moves from one victim to another. Perhaps a balanced approach could be a perfect way to ensure legal justice and equality.
修改讲解:
第一段:
1. 原文第一句Fixing punishments for each type of crime has been a debatable issue不如改为To date, imposing a fixed punishment for each type of crime has been a debatable issue更符合英语逻辑和书面表达习惯,而且加上to date显得更为自然些.
2. 原文第二句表达显过于wordy, 改为There are many arguments for and against the execution of penalty较为简练,而且避免了fixed punishment重复使用.
第二段:
1. 原文第一句中的on society 说法有些过于笼统,现改为更为具体的potential criminals.
2. 原文第二句表述有些不够流畅,改为Individuals will think twice before committing an offence if they know that they will be subjected to a certain punishment if convicted of a given crime. 原文的will be subject to a certain punishment 改为 will be subjected to a certain punishment更为常见.
第四段:
1. 该段原文的最后一句中的result into 应该为result in才符合英语惯用.
第五、六段:将原文第五六段放到文章结论段更符合行文逻辑.原句中an intermediary position between both solutions is the perfect way改为 a balanced approach could be a perfect way to ensure legal justice and equality更为简练、准确.
第七段:原文provide后的for 应删掉.
第八段:原文第一句的where用在这里不准确,liable of 应改为liable for.
第九段:原文中的thiefs应为thieves, taking into consideration the distress and hunger用在这里从修辞角度讲指代不够明确.
另外,原文段落过多,显得十分松散.通过合并或调整一些段落,改后的作文更加紧凑,同时也修正了原文缺乏结论段的败笔.下载本文